The Fault In Our Stars AU
The only person I wanted to talk to about Hazel Grace’s death was Hazel Grace, and yet she was the only person I couldn’t talk to about it. Not now that she was being lowered into the ground.
I wish I had seen it coming, I wish I had prepared myself for it. But in all truthfulness, no one could have predicted it. Her death was as unexpected as it was abrupt - she was okay, and then, all of a sudden, she was not. It was hard for me to cmprehend her being gone, even while knowing she is.
Now that I’m standing here surrounded by all of her friends and family, I feel more alone than I ever have. I didn’t pay much attention to the ceremony. I didn’t have to - I knew it was everything she would have hated it to be. My thoughts were elsewhere the entire time. I took the pack of Camel Lights out of my pocket and shifted it between my fingers, pulling one single cigarette out, and returning it into the box.
I didn’t stay to watch as they burried her. I didn’t stay to watch my life being lowered six feet under. I left without anyone noticing. Maybe it was better this way. As I walked slowly to my parents’ car, I took the worn cigarette out once again and put it between my teeth. I stopped for a moment to think about it, and I lit it.Standing there alone, just thinking about her, made me break.
I felt her loss the same way I fell in love with her - slowly, and then all at once.
Inspired by (x)
I can’t stress enough how important it is that you surround yourself with supportive people who make you feel important and special, and who enhance your life with their presence. If their presence is making you feel worse instead of better, re-evaluate why you’re letting them stay.